Moments of Breakdown

Watched Marley and Me last night, awesome movie, but very sad. This of course was my second time watching the film, and after watching it I realized how much that movie reminds me of my own life. Minus the writer part of course, But in many ways that movie was like a glimpse of my life, or at least what happened so far. They get married, Get a dog, get pregnant, then....Yes, the scene where she's in the doctors office awaiting to hear her baby's heart beat, and there is none. That scene totally replayed the horrible memory of what I experienced, almost down to the exact reactions and words. I had to turn it off after seeing that scene, I broke down. Nothing but Tears fall down my face, stinging my eye's so badly it felt like i couldn't see anything. For those who don't know me, or didn't hear the story, I was about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant when I lost my baby. And the psychical and emotional pain that i went through, I don't want anyone to ever experience that. So today I woke up hoping this morning was gonna be better, soon after I get a text notifying me that one of my friends is pregnant. What do i feel??? Mad? Upset? No...it's a bittersweet emotion. I'm stoked for them of course, a carrying a baby in this world is a special gift. But sad, because Although i may never understand why God decided to take away my baby, I have peace in knowing he's in control. But still, the healing process what me and my husband still have to go through is ruff, especially since it was only 2 months ago, i lost my baby. I miss it, even through i was extremely early and I couldn't feel it, I knew it was in me, and I loved it. I have never experienced a love like that in my life ever, deeper than even me and jamey's love for each other. Yes, thinking of it makes me cry, hearing that other people are pregnant makes me cry. Not that i'm mad, please note that i'm stoked for them, and that it's awesome. But please understand that if you have ever experienced what i did, then you'll understand why it is hard for me to just make like it never happened. I miss my baby, ALOT. Yeah everyone says "Your chance will come..." or "when it's God's timing.." Which is all true, but I don't think many people understand the lost of a love one, especially if it was living inside you. I know God's amazing grace, and in everything he does, it's for the glory of him, in other words... GODS IN CONTROL. I know he has other plans for me right now...But just saying...I had a moment of breakdown, and it's 0k to feel sad some time...right?

Today's Thoughts

Hello Friends, Family, Random Stranger's who so happen to come across this blog.

I never thought i'd be one to be into "Blogging", i thought maybe it could be therapeutic for me to express my thoughts and feelings on anything, rather than "face booking" a couple words as my status. O.M.G i just mentioned Facebook. I've never really been a good writer, maybe in diaries, but other than that I think it's time for me to be creative and explore other options of my creativity. So Hello Blog world, let's try you out for size and see how you fit for me.